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Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Anger, Sadness and bizarre facts

Wow, it has been a very long time since I wrote anything in this blog.
Today I am angry. I am often angry. The fact that my son is not with us makes me angry. That we have to go through yet another Christmas, the fifth Christmas WITHOUT HIM. Every day I am just a little angry, thinking about all the things he is missing. He can't be at home studying for finals right now, he can't see the end of his junior year in high school, he can't be on a picture, proud with his drivers license in his hand after a long wait at the DMV, he can't travel to out of State tournaments with his soccer team and experience the joy of sportsmanship, wins, losses and being on the road with a team, without his parents. There are no photos of him achieving personal best times in swimming, or scoring baskets in basketball. No proud mom moments to brag about when he brings home good grades. I have no FB posts of him making funny faces or playing in the snow. We are on summer vacation at the beach without him, he won't be captured on my phone while he is splashing in the waves with a great tan.... yes I am angry because we are all missing out on this, but most of all he is missing out on life.
The bizzare facts that I am faced with every day are the facts that I never thought would become facts. Domyniko is now taller than Gian-Luc was ever able to be. His shoe size, clothing and everything about him is bigger than Gian-Luc ever was. He is one grade above Gian-Luc, how is that even possible ??
This is just a short post, because I am already worn out from just writing all this and I need to get on with my day. Putting on a face and trying to be kind to my kids, which is not always easy because of my grumpy mood. I should be a nice and grateful mom, because I still have them and yes, they are my life and I will do anything for them, but unfortunately more often than not, my patience is not great and my mood is not either. I hope some day they will read this and try to understand why I am not the most cheerful person that I should be.
Happy Holidays to all of you and have a joyful and peaceful time with people you love 

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