I woke up at 4am and my thought was there immidiately. Was that carrying over from a dream I could not remember? I don't know what made me think of this but I was wondering, when our boy took his last breath in his room, did his spirit leave his body and he was hovering over the body that his father discovered, watching him frantically trying to revive him, screaming out his name in agony ?
When the paramedics found a pulse, did his spirit enter the body again, like so many people speak of after their own near death experiences ? Did his spirit hear all the things I told him over the 5 days in the hospital? All the " I love you so much" " please come back" "please stay with us" "I do anything for you to survive" ??
Did he actually still hear this, or was his spirit long gone and only the machines made him look like he was just sleeping ?
I thnk about that all the time, the moments when I had my last chance to tell him all these important things, things I might not have told him when he was doing fine, hanging out around the house, waiting for summer break to be over. ...
I really hope he heard me, he heard how much I love him and how much I need him, how we have that special connection that I have with no one else in this world.
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